I have a lot of time on my hands these days as a result of a conscious decision I made in 2016, to no longer live a life that was not fulfilling to me : I had a job that paid well but didn’t make me happy, a great day to day that offered no growth nor challenges, some very unnecessary drama every now and then to spice things up all wrapped up in a deep sense that if this was what I was supposed to do for the rest of my life, well, I might as well drop dead right about yesterday.
I remember my younger self longing a long time for some form of predictability in life that could make me feel somehow stable and like I had achieved something. So eventually I got it together and did what society expects of us : job, loan to buy some big ticket item on the ‘adulting’* (*the art of being an adult) list, nice apartment, friends, the quest for the perfect partner (only to realize my life as Bridget Jones is real minus the she gets the guy part) , a few goldfishes in an aquarium and a cat. I held on for a decade convinced this was the life I had chosen even though it was not the one I knew I wanted.
And it lasted, it lasted … and lasted – until life and its idiosyncrasies got me to the edge of discontentment madness almost to a level of apathy – you know that moment when you’re so emotionally exhausted that you just…stop…caring.
Have you ever felt that way? You know you’re being exactly what is expected of you but none of it is what drives you. Your childhood fantasies are long gone and you are caught up in a life that is supposed to be the correct one, the reasonable one – the one where you’ve ticked almost all the boxes and the missing ones are causing a mild level of anxiety that gets stronger as you add on the years – or the pounds – or the debts – or the flings or the _____ fill in the blank with whatever secretly keeps you up longer than you should be at night watching bad TV until end of ‘I just ate the whole chocolate bar-dom’… (and now I want pringles)
Most of us stick it out, trying to pile up the feel-good moments as much as possible causing us to pursue thrill and validation (or whatever it is that makes us feel alive). Some of us take the leap to go for something greater, though not all of us find it.
I figured I would take the leap, try it out for a while and see what happens. Worse case scenario I could always go back. If I didn’t try though, I would never know and one of the most commonly mentioned source of heartbreak at the end of life is said to be regret.
What about you? Do you live a life overall that makes you content ? Are there things that you put off out of fear or out of ‘adulting’? What could you do to be more satisfied with your life or what would you advise someone to do more of ?