Is shutting yourself off the solution?

Life can be hard asf!

For every tear ever cried in private, there were double the smiles as a cover up. The thought of being exposed can make us shiver with determination as we swear to never be perceived as ‘weak’.

Image result for chained heartThe scars on our emotional flesh are worn proudly to show we’ve been through shit and we made it. Never mind the tears, the breakdowns and the items that were added to the never ending list of ‘never again’ : trust blindly, open up early, love freely, take a chance in the unknown.. Never again!

Never mind the sleepless nights we spend rewinding passed scenes looking for the signs we missed, the red flags we ignored, the words that didn’t come out of our mouth the right way and/or at the right time. Never again.

Never mind the fact that secretly, we fantasize about different outcomes wondering if being a completely different person would have tilted the odds in our favor. We flashback on every time we longed for the ability to speak the love, the courage, the faith lingering right there at the tip of our tongues, but the fear of judgement sealed our lips shut and so we clenched our jaw, shook the sense back into our head as we remembered : never again!

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The energy we spend on creating this impenetrable force field around us becomes the only closeness we can comfortably experience. By never fully stepping into any emotional endeavor, we believe we’re definitely safe even though it means potentially being indefinitely isolated. We convince ourselves it’s better that way, it is not so bad: no surprises, no one to fear losing, no scars to be added, no disappointments to be had, no failures to recover from. Never again.

Connection is too expensive. It requires an investment of openness that is just too high a price to pay when you’ve been burnt too many times. If we can come across like a heartless badass, maybe, just maybe, we can pull it off : have someone else pay the price this time while we invest as little as possible. Never mind our desire for connection and closeness – ‘Feelings are for the weak and I’ll never be weak again’ – we repeat like a mantra.

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Except : it doesn’t work that way. Just like you don’t buy a million dollar mansion with 50 cents, you don’t get the connection without opening up. We think it’s possible, especially if we can convince the gullible – but sometimes we confuse connection with infatuation. The latter is just entertainment, it fades rather quickly leaving an even deeper void than the time before, so we hold on to it because at least there’s something there.

The former though, that stuff is not for the faint-hearted.

The ability to go out into the world, willing to show yourself fully, knowing with absolute certainty that you’re exposed to heartbreak and deception at any given moment but go out there anyway – that takes a serious level of courage. The emotionally stunted ‘badasses’ only look cool. By adamantly shutting ourselves off to not seem weak, we only confirm the inevitable truth : we actually are the weakest link.

We are the ones driven by our fear, actively avoiding risk to protect ourselves from a threat that might never even manifest. We commit emotional suicide, dwelling on our passed mistakes we take our lessons learned as a reason to give up instead of applying them to our potentially glorious rebirth.If you want something to change, it has to change in YOU first.:

We live on pause, in the complete denial that life is carrying on and eventually – a tired of being ignored opportunity will just.stop.knocking.

The irony is : everything can change. At any given moment we can choose to disable our protective force field and willingly open up to all the stuff life has to offer. Sure it can take time, but your mind is a powerful tool that can apply anything you will for it to do.

We might get punched a few times, we might even get some serious hits that will knock us out for a little while. But for every tear cried as you opened up, double the love is provided for comfort, and that is the complete opposite of weakness.

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Ps: Need some more inspiration ? Watch Brene Brown’s beautiful ted talk on vulnerability here .

 

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